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Dozen
14 reviews, 11 voices | back to listing
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28th October, 2007 07:46
Zaziwe Jo
1 pitch
Hi,
I've been writing for seven years. I work part time in order to dedicate as much time as possible to my writing.
I'm hoping that my pitch will speak for itself, so I've elected to put up the first couple of paragraphs from the novel so that you can see if you like my style.
I will appreciate any and all feedback.
Thank you.
She knew she'd get caught eventually. Gwithian's eyes lock with those of the woman who's just entered the room. They both freeze. The woman's eyes are the same colour as the jagged chips of turquoise strung on a piece of elastic around Gwithian's wrist. Like the turquoise, they're flecked with tints of orange, yellow and brown. Taking in their intricacies Gwithian momentarily forgets her predicament.
Behind the woman the door hesitates before uttering the final soft 'clump' of closure, as if in a way it preferred being open. The wafting air brushes the sensitive flesh below Gwithian's navel. At this she panics. Could she explain that she's not a flasher? That this is something she does often? No. How would that sound? Oh, excuse me, but it's alright that I'm standing in the middle of a public restroom with my trousers down because this is something I do all the time. This isn't salacious, this is serious. No. That explanation wouldn't go well at all.
January 1st, 2008 13:26
mikedeacy
1 reviews
December 24th, 2007 11:13
Zaziwe Jo
31 reviews
I don't think I qualify as chick lit, if I had to site some famous authors who have a similar style to me, or rather I have a similar style to them, I'd be siting Maggie o Farrel, or Lionel Shriver, Ali Smith.
I should say for the record now, that I've changed the first chapter again in a re-write and it's now much lighter than what is up here.
I would put up the new version, but I can imagine that by this time next year this would just be one big list of all the changes.
So I'll just say it's different, and that will stand!
Happy Christmas all
love
Jo
December 15th, 2007 11:44
Bob Blackman
2 reviews
Great pitch, too. I like the combination of setting, visuals and the section where Jo addresses the camera. Simple but effective.
November 23rd, 2007 17:07
Zaziwe Jo
31 reviews
thanks for reviewing me, it's always encouraging to know people are looking at the site.
Choosing 12 photos didn't have any significance, although I like the idea of it representing the months in a year - I should have thought of that myself!
I haven't had feedback on the new paragraphs, but the changes I made were in line with the feedback I had before, and I'm looking at the rest of the book with those same criticism in mind.
Recently I have had requests from agents, and have submitted to the one I think suits me best...and I'm just waiting to hear what they think.
To be picked up by an agent would be a Christmas present too big to be concieved of, all I can do is keep hoping.
thanks again for reviewing me
love
Jo
November 23rd, 2007 15:23
wooders
1 reviews
What is relevance of 12 - is it a calendar reference?
Have you had any more feedback since re-writing the first couple of paragraphs? I would be really interested in hearing how you get on.
November 8th, 2007 20:31
faith_swan
3 reviews
November 8th, 2007 14:12
zoedavies
1 reviews
November 8th, 2007 09:18
Zaziwe Jo
31 reviews
Having taking onboard their advice those paragraphs now read like this:
She knew she'd get caught eventually. Gwithian's eyes lock with those of the woman who's just entered the room. They both freeze. The woman's eyes are the same colour as the jagged chips of turquoise on Gwithian's bracelet. Behind the woman the door hesitates before uttering the final soft 'clump' of closure, as if in a way it preferred being open. The wafting air brushes the sensitive flesh below Gwithian's navel. Could she explain she's not a flasher? That this is something she does often? No. How would that sound? Oh, excuse me, but it's alright that I'm standing in the middle of a public restroom with my trousers down because this is something I do all the time. This isn't salacious, this is serious. No. That explanation wouldn't go well at all.
October 30th, 2007 15:41
wilhelmina
1 reviews
of being aware of a situation, like standing outside and watching yourself doing something and in the same time being absolutely into something.
this is what your character is dealing with...
October 30th, 2007 12:59
DMHR2007
1 reviews
I Love the idea of the 12 pictures, as I listen to your pitch, I'm already thinking of how it would look.
Of what, of the story you've allowed us to have the pleasure of reading, I'm wanting to read more, hoping that the eye for detail in the small and important parts, stay.
The subject of the story is very intriguing, one of which I haven't read of yet (Hopefully I will soon !).
Good luck to you in this and all you do in the future.
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